screaming into the void

 

“AHHHHHHHHH”

i’m making an album and i’m pretty happy with it so far. it’s called viola swamp and it’s about 20 minutes long, even though i’ve been working on it on and off since april. some days are so boring.

what is good in life is that i have the time to focus my energies on what i think is important, namely political organizing and songwriting. i’ve been doing a little of both recently. what is bad is that i am usually broke, usually lonely, and usually aimless. i like my house and my neighborhood. i think both suit me well. they give me privacy but keep me in touch with the world. i miss being in love, which makes me feel dumb because that’s such a wallowing sentiment. i’m really happy that summer suffer season has gone and that the northern hemisphere is getting more comfortable for me. i hate sweating because i am mostly vain.

am i conservative for thinking that music will never be as good as it used to be or has music lost all of its humanity?

it’s not the same at all

goodbye troubles

i was homeless for a few days. i had to sleep in a park. i dont have a fucking home and it’s all i fucking want in the whole world right now. i want a bedroom with a bed where i can surround myself in everyday whims. i am crying and i feel very much dead inside because i failed the credit check for the home i’m trying to get. i wish my parents had somewhere i could be. i wish i could retreat somewhere. i never should have gone to an expensive college or moved to los angeles.

i just got back from the marriage of my old high school friend asher to his longtime girlfriend mary kate. they are really in love. he gave her the sweetest wedding vows. new orleans seems like a nice place to be in love.

tomorrow morning i’m going to the arabian peninsula, first to dubai and then to jeddah. i’m sure i’ll be blown away in every way. it’ll be good to lose contact with my life here for a little while, too.

using online profile websites makes me feel so fucking shallow but maybe i should embrace the new corpse of humanity. psychologists say that our estimations of others’ perception of the self is as integral to our self concept as our own delusions about ourselves. i just hate how contrived this loop is. i am a modern egotistical shithead.